Part 1 - How do I begin, let's try to start from the beginning.


I am a 44 year of mother of four girls ages 7, 16 and 23 yo twins. Did I mention that I was a single mom of four girls? Yep, I am still single. Was it deliberate on my end or was it meant to me? Am I unloveable or do I just think I deserve more? My two oldest daughters were born when I was 21 years old and had such an amazing support team with my family and I lived at home until they were almost 2 years old. I even tried working things out with their father, who I was in a relationship (on my part) with prior to my pregnancy and then tried it again when they were a few months old and this lasted a little over a year. I decided to take time off after their birth and only had my child support to help tide me over with bills. When he (thankfully) entered the military my kids were placed on his health insurance which was a blessing but he never increased his child support. So I then worked two jobs while my kids went to school then after care with the help of my mother.  Now, let’s get to his family. His parents worked and were also heavily involved in church as deacon and deaconess/sister/usher.  That was the limit of their involvement but boy did they love and still do on my kids accomplishments as a grandparent. You would think I would learn my lesson, but no I decided to give love another chance. Now, I don’t regret my kids at all. They are the best thing that I ever did. But the next guy I became involved with our relationship started off with lies by omission and a mother who could do no wrong. Yep, he was raised by a single mom and he was the oldest of two (his sister has the same father) and a younger brother who never does anything wrong. This was a recipe for disaster. Let’s start out with our relationship. I found out he was married, but he explained that they were separated (she lived in another state) and later this was confirmed. But I wonder if he would have told me if I hadn’t found the marriage certificate in his vest and then later called a mutual friend and then all of a sudden he decided to tell me that he was married but separated. When I first met his aunt, I was under the impression that she was his mother because of how amazing their relationship was at our initial meeting and then I met his mother. When I met his mother, I tried and tried to make our relationship work. When I called to speak to him, the conversations revolved around her wanting to send his belongings to the state his estranged wife was in so that he could leave her house. Almost every conversation was like this when I called to speak to him. Our relationship evolved quickly and after almost three years I was pregnant with my first child with him. This was his first child. This quickly changed his relationship with his mother and they started talking more. But this also hurt our relationship. He quickly wanted to make his mother happy and do whatever she wanted especially allow her to change how I parented my daughter. What she wanted was law and what I wanted didn’t matter. This started so many arguments and lets not get started on how she treated me and later told me in front of him that I was no longer welcome in her home. During this time, I am still raising my oldest girls and they are witnessing all of this drama and then she decides his younger brother would be better off spending time with him at my home around my girls. Now his brother at that time was a hoodlum in the making. He wanted to live the life of a video thug even though his dad was a retired supervisor and made good money. He started getting in trouble and the roughnecks he was involved with started coming around my home where I lived with my kids. And here I go!

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